objective: health

Yesterday I went on yet another food rant. I've said it before, but these rants are not meant to be any kind of "oh-poor-skinny-girl" or obsessive eating disorder complaining.

So why obsess about what I'm eating?

Because, once upon a time, I could actually call myself a healthy person.

Healthy = exercise + balanced diet + regular little treats

{though they can hardly be called treats if they happen regularly. what then makes it a "treat"?}

So, really, it's not what I'm eating, or even how much. It's the lack of balance.

The progression away from this healthy has been just that: progressive.

The other day I was at Trader Joe's on an errand to restock my supply of dark chocolate mini peanut butter cups {they're divine}. A woman looking at some other candy conversationally commented "Don't those look delicious?". I responded honestly: "They are." An answer to which she seemed entirely taken aback by. "You eat them." "I do." "And you actually swallow them?" She sounded incredulous. "All things in moderation, right?" was my response. As soon as I left I realized what I said wasn't quite true. {not to drift too far off topic but her reaction can be equated to saying "I'm sure you love those" to a heavier person. i'm certain she meant it as a compliment but her dramatic reaction was sort of irritating, if not offensive}

I don't question that weight is not a problem for me. Blessed with a fast metabolism? Maybe. The women on my mom's side tend to be thin, but my dad's side, obesity. But I work out. It's as simple as that.

David and I started going to the gym in Fort Myers and have been great about keeping it up, with a few exceptions, since we started. On a good week I make it to the gym 5 days, an off week 3. I probably average 4. Sometime I can't get myself to go at all. I actually enjoy running on a treadmill {temperature regulation and all}. If I'm feeling good I'll go until I don't. Otherwise, I do a 30 minute run (at varying speeds) and a combined two and a half minute warm-up/cool down. I like lifting (light) weights and doing all variations of ab work {my personal favorite since my dance days}. I hate beyond hate squats and lunges, and, though I can tolerate weight machines for legs, I don't enjoy it as much as upper body so I tend to skip lower body altogether. But I work out. And I push myself. But how I can preach moderation is pretty rich.

It's only recently that I realized that moderation is simply not my thing. And I have started realizing I work out so I can eat whatever I want whenever I want and it was always within reason.

Obviously no one can eat anything non-stop {no one except swimmers that are actually training and burn, like, ten thousand calories a day}. But I have started, slowly but surely, eat more and more and more of whatever I want whenever I want. And "whatever I want" has gone from well balanced (fruits, veggies, nuts and other healthy fat, assorted protein - though mostly eggs, and of course the not so healthy stuff mixed in) to no balance (lots of popcorn of various forms - we'll call it "good junk").

It started harmlessly, snacking through lunch on the weekend instead of having a meal. An apple and fruit dip, chips and salsa, a cup of pre-prepared popcorn (kettle corn or Smartfood). Healthy enough, "good junk" at worst. I've always tended to consider the weekends my free eating time anyway. I paid enough attention to maintaining a balanced diet during the week. Then I started replacing the occasional midweek fruit or veggie snack with calorically equivalent "good junk". Then on the weekend quantity increased. Snacking a bit more. Then I started bringing in other junk, chips and the like, in reasonable quantities but still in addition to the other, better, snacks. And so it has spiraled until this last weekend, in which I was eating more freq than I wasn't and nothing had any kind of nutritional value. I'm not eating a bunch of fast food or bags of chips. My drug of choice continues to be whatever I can eat the most of, namely popcorn of some nature.

So the qualm is, yes, the amount I'm eating, but really the amount of nothing I'm eating. While popcorn is supposedly loaded with fiber, it's like any other snack food. It seems to lack the capacity to actually satisfy. It tastes delicious, but I'm always left wanting more. Never sated.

So that's enough of that. I'm getting back on track. I want to be healthy. I want to eat a balanced diet {with what i will continue to call little treats}. I still want to eat whatever I want. I just want some balance!!! So that's my mission, healthy by way of balance. No dieting, just conscious eating. After all, I enjoy food and I do work out. So I want to enjoy the benefits of my workouts. Just in a better way.

I'm kickstarting the mission with a week in which junk is off limits (and that includes gum - and I chew way to much and it upsets my stomach anyway). Hopefully this will help regulate my hunger and my cravings for the worse choices. Then I'll get back in my happy balance, in which I make more good choices than bad.

I think it's a fair goal.

So, to the pursuit of health!